My daughters birthday parties are looming on the horizon...I'm a little nervous, noone has RSVP'd....and that scares me that the girls are going to be disappointed that they won't have very many friends or family there.  Plus its been Indiana Psycho Weather Cold here the past week and of course part of the party is being planned for OUTSIDE, as in all off the younger girls party and most of Hadley's.

Right now we've got the lights up outside already and I've got a lot of stuff for it, so if noone comes I'm going to be embarassed and hurt...and I don't even want to think about how the girls are going to feel.

I am also worried about how the house is going to look to these kids.  Hadley's at an age, 10, where the girls become evil demons.  We are by no stretch of the imagination wealthy, to be honest we live in subsidized housing.  I won't get into what exactly that means, save that for another blog :)  But I'm worried the house won't look good enough or be clean enough for these girls.

Yes I worry about the oddest things sometimes.  But I have a few projects to clear up that are taking up space, and the party will go forward and I hope that their friends and what little family we have is able to come to our home and enjoy the celebration.

Right now for the older girls we are planning a spa party, Hadley's friends will get chocolate facials, mani pedi's, , and we'll have cucumber slices...my child thinks that is the awesome part, I'm not sure why they are obsessed with the cucumbers, but we'll definitely have them.  Then we are going to do some sort of craft, still trying to figure out what, got a trip to Michael's in my future this week.  We found wine glasses we will be serving our drinks in, and white lights outside on the patio where the spa will take place.  And we have to figure out a movie, or I may just let them take over Netflix for the night lol.

Whatever happens I'm just hoping the girls all have a good day.

40 things to do before I turn...gulp....40

Not sure why I was thinking about this today...but I was.  Was feeling a little down, dealing with personal and financial struggles and got a little whiney.  Yes I am an actual blogging person who doesn't live in perfect world with a perfect husband, perfect children, and the ability to create masterpieces out of duct tape and cat littler liners.

Camping? Sleeping on the GROUND?  Have you lost it?!?

So after some thoughts....here is the beginning of my list...I'm still working on it.

1.  Write something every day...here's an easy one because I'm counting a loony Faceback status as "writing" for my needs I'll stretch the definition.

2.  Continue attempting to live a healthier lifestyle.

3.  Be nicer to my husband...yeah sometimes I'm bitchy for the sake of being bitchy...I need to work on it.

4.  Learn to accept that some members of my family are just never going to like me.  So they can bite me.

5.  Finish my book...yeah its half finished, for some reason I'm not able to concentrate the past couple years.

6.  Go camping with the entire family..for no other reason than I want to mock Ainsley when she's older for her many bug freakouts.

....there's six so please feel free to suggest some....its an ongoing list lol.

Okay so today I'm adding some more

7.  Meet someone who has met Bill Clinton...going with the whole 6 Degrees of Separation thing...I love that man.

8.  Go to an actual Ballet with my daughters

9.  Learn to Tap Dance.....yeah I know its dorky and Ill look like Miss Piggy in tap shoes but I wanna learn!

10.  Loose 75 lbs....we'll see how that one goes. HA HA

11.  Learn to hide my feelings better...most of the time if I wanna suffocate you with a pillow while your sleeping...you will know it.

12.  Learn to be happy with myself.

13.  Learn to accept my family for what it is...my extended family.

14.  Make more friends.

Okay enough for tonight :)  *April 23, 2012
Beckee

How things have changed.

I have a friend, who, like me, is a little crafty psycho.  We craft a lot, making things from scratch planning and making things for birthday parties. I was thinking about it today and we are really doing something of a generational shift.

My grandmothers, both had a lot, and I do mean A LOT of kids. They made bread, canned, grew gardens, found inexpensive and new ways to decorate their homes.  They raised their kids, helped farm, and sewed their own clothing.  Not because it was "fun" but because it was.  My grandmother took her 5 boys berry picking during the depression and then sold the berries by the side of the road.  They did what they had to do because there weren't any other choices. Every penny had to be counted.

Our mothers, fed us from t.v. dinners, some worked at jobs outside the home, some didn't. They used disposable diapers, disposable cups, paper plates, fed us "fast food" and bought canned vegetables from the store.  We got our clothes from JCPenny and K-Mart, or in my case 3-D lol, my birthday party was at McDonald's. My mother wouldn't have made me a dress if you put a gun to her head.  She bought Little Debbie Cakes, and cupcakes were from the grocery or a cake mix.  Everything was faster and easier and more convenient.

Today, I plant a garden in a pallet.  I sew my daughters dresses.  I research canning and look up recipes.  I make muffins from scratch, cakes, cupcakes, and cookies.  I look at ways to conserve costs and use coupons because every penny counts. And I am not alone.  I Good Will shop to make my home better, and Lord Knows it still needs some work.

I just think we are coming full circle in a lot of ways.  Maybe we've realized that in "improving" things and making it easier and faster, we've lost a part of who we are.  As a society we've been so consumed with how quickly we can get things done, how fast we can be, how busy we can be, that the Heart of our homes have been lost and we've sacrificed skills and knowledge that were used just a short generation ago.

I may not "have" to plant a garden to feed my children.  I don't have to sew my daughter's clothes, I don't have to do a lot of things.  But I am now chosing to.  I choose to try to bring back a part of the "homemaker" identity.  There is a pride in knowing your doing the best for your family by taking care of them, and in a lot of ways contributing to the world in a way that is rapidly being lost.  A wealth of knowledge can be lost from one generation to the next, and that is more than a little sad.

My daughters have 3 bithdays in what amounts to two weeks.  Hadley turns 10 on April 16, Ainsley turns 5 on April 19, and Sami turns 4 on May 2.  So normally I start planning birthdays almost as soon as the tree is put in January.  This year not so much.  I havent done anything, planned anything, nada.  So what am I going to do you ask?  Well, I'm going to get my butt in gear lol. 

After 2 weeks of waffling back and forth I finally decided against that evil place with all the games and tokens and children running beserk...I want to leave the party and not need anti-psychotic medication thank you very much.  And no pool party because I have no desire to get in a bathing suit in front of my daughters friends and parents...I don't want them to need anti-psychotic drugs when they leave either :) 

So....considering we are poor people and its three girls birthdays I've decided on an afternoon party at the shelter house in our apartment complex, its open and has picnic tables. They will share the afternoon party, with family and friends, a couple of games, a LaLaLoopsy cake made by mom :)  And then the majority will go home....then the real party's going to begin.  No, not Beckee with a couple of Chipendales, one of whom is a Russell Crowe look alike from Gladiator, a big bottle of  Mosato wine, and a cupcake....I've put no thought into my ideal party you see.....but the Spa Birthday Party.  Hadley is inviting her classmates and a couple of neighbors to our house for a sleepover/spa night.  I'm amazed at some of the ideas we have found online, via my love Pinterest, and fellow ultra talented bloggers.  I cant wait for it to take place and take pics.  SOOOO MUCH FUN!!

Hadley's Top Models

 Hadley had a photo shoot with her sisters.....Threw down a pink blanket and put make-up on them and dressed them...they were cooperative for a while.  Sami is my "smiler" lol.

Um....think its safe to say Ainsley was DONE with the whole photography thing by this time...or Hadley said something that didn't agree with Her Royal Majesty lol.  This is soooo much a typical moment at my house lol.

I've had a very aggravating day. One of those hair pulling screeching at the top of my lungs kind of days.  For one, my daughters are in way too many activities.  But I honestly don't know where to draw the line..so I won't. :)  Softball season is supposed to be starting soon.  My 9 year old  has been in softball since she was 3.  And the last year we didn't have a good year.  I felt like it was a wast of time, Hadley went to every practice and every game she could and I don't think he ever spoke to her but 3 times the entire season.  On third grade pitch night he never even gave her a chance to pitch, it was only the kids whose parents were able to spend the big bucks on private pitching lessons that ever got to pitch. So by the end of the season I was pretty much sick of it entirely.  But again this year I signed her up, and I signed my daughter Ainsley up, she is about to turn 5 so she will be in t-ball. 

So we sign up and we wait...they do the draft....and we wait....and eventually thanks to the glory of Facebook I start seeing where this person's been called, and this person's started practices....so I start to ask around to find out who our coach is.  I called the person who took the registrations, and she didn't get back with me, so I called her at work...that may have been intrusive but imo this is a pretty small town  yet, so whats the big deal? It turns out she is probably her coach.  And it wasn't a pleasant conversation, the woman was kinda snotty and rude.  So fact is I'm not looking forward to sofball for Hadley. 

But Ainsley had her first practice.  She looked so cute out there, with her little bat and glove.  I cant wait to see her play.  I'll post pics next week.  And hopefully at some point Hadley's coach will call and we'll have practice...hopefully before the season opener.

Cookies....and more Cookies

For Easter I decided to try an experiment.  I'm always on the look out for some way to earn money, without giving up my much coveted status as a stay at home mom.  I just honestly cannot live with these kids and this husband and work full time.  My house becomes a nuclear wasteland, and I start to resemble Freddy Krueger personality wise...

So I put it out there, Hey I'm making sugar cookies for Easter if you'd like to order some.  And people did, I know shocked me too lol.  I sold about 100 cookies, and I was pretty proud of how they turned out.  My next goal is to do the cookies with the royal icing that don't resemble cookies as much as they do art.  We'll see how that works out. 

I'm researching right now to see what I could bake and create for Mother's Day.  We will be having a HUGE expense coming up, Hadley, my 9 year old, soon to be 10 year olds, summer camp fees...I dont want to think about it.  Thinking about doing "Cupcakes for Camp" something to help off set the cost.  We've collected alluminum cans but I dont think that is going to pay for all of it, and I'm hoping we hear about a camp scholarship soon.  I pray she gets one, otherwise its going to be a major hardship paying for camp this year.  I knew staying home would be hard, but its even harder than what I thought it would be.